God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize