Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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