My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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