Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize