I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize