I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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