I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
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Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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