i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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