didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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