oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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