haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
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Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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