There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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