i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
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He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
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You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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