some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
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when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
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we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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