It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
don't judge my taste in strippers
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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