Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
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we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
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I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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