there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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