i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Quick, to the slutcave!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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