you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
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It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
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OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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