Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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