Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize