I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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