I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
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Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
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Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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