Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize