I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
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I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
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I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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