I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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