i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
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Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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