The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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