I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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