really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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