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You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
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