He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize