Don't you send me to vm
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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