hotel room ftw
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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