Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize