it hurts more in the daytime
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
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I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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