you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
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He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
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There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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