i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
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you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
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I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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