alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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