well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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