so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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