the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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