Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize