so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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