Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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