So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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