WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
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So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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