I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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