The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
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please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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