you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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